🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?